Dreams

Sleep has always been the way to healing for me. Usually the worse I feel, the more sleep I seem to need. If I’m able to get that sleep, then I can work through anything that is thrown at me. So when I have those sleepless nights and the longer they plague me the harder it is to get better. Dreams are simply another place I can go to appease my need for fantasy. I seldom have really bad dreams. Fantasy, now that is an interesting word! There are many kinds of fantasy. I seem to favor the ‘life is great and it always works out for the best, for me’ type. Why have fantasy if it isn’t an improvement on the real world? Anyway, the poem for today is: Dreams


Dreams

Some say that dreams are wishful thinking
Surely it must be partially so
Cause when life isn’t what it should be
The heart must have some place it can go

Memories hide within dreams often
Waiting there to come alive again
With each dream the candle is relit
Into our dreams we now can descend

But then there are those lonely nights
When sleep and dreams just will not come
You toss and turn or walk the floor
Waiting for this night to be done

Oh weaver of dreams where are you now
It’s been so long since you came to me
I’ve had the need of your gentle touch
To ease my pain and to set me free

Help me to escape into the bliss
And comfort I find within those dreams
Release me from the pain of this world
Let me feel the comfort that you bring

Sprinkle your magic upon me
Into your world let me collapse
And dream the dreams of innocence
To the future or from the past

Susan Palmer-Davis
©2006
All Rights Reserved

Stranger

Sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. Frustration, anger…I’ve always been able to handle without the fear that I might not be able. Even now, I know I can survive any fit or damaging reaction; I just can’t handle this fear. I don’t know why it possesses me. When I was young I took a class called ‘Knowledge Replaces Fear.’ I did real well with it and apparently it has lasted these many years. Now for some reason it isn’t working any more. The fears I have now are those that I have little, if any, knowledge of. So what do I do now? How do I trust anyone to know the answers, and to be honest with me about them? How do I deal with something when my resources for that dealing are slowly slipping away? I have allowed this conception to consume me. It invades my every thought. Like a poisonous gas, it seeps into my total being. Reforming, changing and continuing to do its dirty work.

Well after writing this and only having 4 hours sleep I went to the doctor for my 3 month diabetes checkup. While there the doctor and I discussed this situation with my thoughts and I gave in! I am now taking an antidepressant. If it doesn’t help then I’ve only lost a little money and time. If it causes more problems I’m not sure if I will try a different one. I haven’t eaten any extra sugar today so I don’t know why I feel shaky …hope it doesn’t last cause I really don’t like it. New poem: Stranger I’m sure that I will be doing some editing on it, but not sure when it will come to me.

Stranger

A stranger even to my own mind
With no familiar road to follow
Trapped within my own pathetic cell
Stunned while weakness bores my heart hollow

So many dark thoughts invade my mind
Sending me to places unholy
Binding me with too many untruths
And leaving despair to torture me

Filling well every crack and cranny
Of this weakened mind that now betrays
With bile from lies spoken in anger
Strengthened by retelling along the way

I’ve seen the wickedness despair brings
Enveloping all that it touches
Dripping, oozing from a bleeding heart
Slowly destroying all that’s righteous

Lord, please let me find myself again
Asked in a whisper, this pain felt plea
I really don’t know how I got here
This person I’ve become is not me

Susan Palmer-Davis
©8/2010
All Rights Reserved