Being Human and The Nature of Man

I never was a social butterfly. I never had a best friend when I was young; I had my sister. My first and only best friend I met in 9th grade and of all places, in history class. I say of all places because the one class I actually hated in school was history; any history, and that included government. As a teen I knew a lot of people and as people will do we called each other friends, but I was never really close to any of them. My best friend and I have had spats and separations throughout the years but I’ve always seen her as my best friend. Growing older and turning into adults she stayed in my hometown and I followed my first husband wherever he wanted to go. Whether it was Kansas for a year, then back home to Oklahoma City, or California for another year, then Texas for two and a half years and finally home (Oklahoma City) again. Actually he had to follow me home cause I refused to go anywhere with him that I couldn’t reach family for help if I needed it; and of course I did need it. Sorry, I’m getting off the subject. Anyway, she stayed in the hometown where we grew up, but I hated that town too much to go back. The only reason I ever went there again was to see her.

I’ve lived a lot of places and met a lot of people but I’ve never felt the kind of friendship I’ve had with her. As an adult I learned how to be a good hostess and always loved having people over. There were a few people that I clicked with more than others, but there never was anyone like her. Now I’m old and I can’t drive everywhere. My medicine makes my reflexes less than perfect and I wouldn’t want to have an accident. Still I think of her all the time, but days are busy and nights are too late to call.

Now the loneliness is so deep and complete it is almost too much to bear. I don’t think the anti-depressants are working. There are too many sleepless nights and days that are much too long. There are too many tears and not enough smiles or laughter.

There are two poems with this posting; because I couldn’t choose one over the other. Poems: Being Human and The Nature of Man

Being Human

When young I was rather quick to decide
Everything that I wanted in my life
Picking and choosing each step of the way
Very little did I choose to deny

I made a vow many years ago
Not to regret the choices I made
But I was young and very naïve
To think it was that easy to age

Regrets? Oh Lord, there have been many
Far too many to try to recall
Each decade brings its own small follies
While I’m left with a mind that sees all

It’s the way life makes us remember
Every memory that’s left behind
Hoping the next step will be better
And in the end we’ll find peace of mind

It’s our spirit that regains its strength
Through the times that we happen to fall
Oh how the heart does ache from hindsight
The curse of being human after all

Susan Palmer-Davis
©2002
All Rights Reserved


The Nature of Man

Is it not the nature of the beast
to strive hardest to survive
when so brought to the brink of death
to find a deeper strength inside

Is it not imbedded in the soul
A need to continue living
A need to breathe without great thought
To simply go on without thinking

Is it not the desire of the heart
To achieve complete understanding
To casually delve into the mind
And retrieve what becomes demanding

Might it be that we fear so greatly
That which to us is still the unknown
Or maybe we harbor secret thoughts
that only allow our fears to grow

So do not fear that which is our fate
Even when the drawing is so strong
And know whatever the day does bring
our essence will forever live on

Susan Palmer-Davis
©2003
All Rights Reserved